Words More Sweet

February 22nd 1815

It has been a full day. I have learned more than I ever thought I would about my sister Catharine today. So many things are running through my mind it is like an overflowing soup bowl. I went out this morning on a walk to lay my letter for him to find. I placed it in the book next to a section from All’s well that ends well:
The web of our life is of a mingled yarn,
good and ill together: our virtues would be proud if our faults whipped them no; and our crimes would despair if they were not cherished by our virtues.
Shakespeare always expresses ideas so perfectly.
Lady Rebecca Ackerly was invited to tea this morning. My sister I find has a friendly relationship with her. I daresay they have many things in common. I joined them in the morning room shortly after she arrived. She stood as my sister introduced her. Her dress was a deep scarlet with a black lace trim. Her thick dark beautifully curly hair was folded lightly to a bun behind her head. Loose curls framed her face perfectly. I could immediately see where Mr. Ackerly’s looks came from. She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen. And yet, her expressions gave the idea that she has been angry for years. Permanent creases reside between her eyebrows that declare her resign to be displeased with everything.
“It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Ackerly; we have lately had the pleasure of your son’s company.”
“Yes, both my sons are interesting company.” As she said this she held her head high and turned to look out the window.
My sister continued their conversation, “Your youngest, Daniel is it? Has returned to Carrinton? That must be so pleasing for you to have him back after such a long turn at Cambridge.”
“Yes, well children aren’t always as pleasing as you imagine them to be Catharine. Daniel is much bolder than his brother, he amuses me a little more.”
“They must both have traits that you admire Lady Ackerly?” I asked for I was shocked at her disinterest.
She turned, “Nay Miss Locke, William has inherited the natural easiness with his surroundings from his father that makes me suspicious of his sincerity and Daniel is a constant reminder of yet another mistake I have made. I do not expect you to understand me, for you don’t know my history.” Returning her gaze to my sister, “Catharine I continue my advice: It is better to not have children at all then to have them from a man who you despise.” Lady Ackerly said this so openly I couldn’t say a word. I began to wonder at her past and why her life seemed to her so horrible.
“You know that is not sound, you didn’t always despise your husband. Besides every woman should be..”
“Nay Catharine honestly you should save your self the heart ache.”
After Lady Ackerly interrupted my sister there was a long pause and then my sister responded softly, “I’m afraid I am already saved.”
“It is for the best. Let us change course of subject. Miss Locke, will you be attending the ball tomorrow?”
“Yes my lady,” I weakly answered.
“There will be many gentlemen there eager to win your hand. You are a prettyish sort of thing.”
“Thank you. I have yet to find a gentleman who is eager to know me, and not my dowry. It is a dilemma.” I watched her pick at a crumb on her teacup and brush it away.
“Her dowry is considerable, like mine was, Lady Ackerly, 30,000 pounds.” I didn’t think it was possible but Lady Ackerly’s eyes got wider and her neck longer as she looked me up and down. The awkward feelings I was experiencing grew even more excruciating when she continued to stare at me. Thankfully my sister’s maid rushed in and handed Lady Ackerly an express.
She stood after quickly reading it and said “I must draw our tea to an early close; my husband has taken a turn for the worst.” And she left.
I turned to my sister. “You have no right to announce my dowry. I am vexed over your actions.”
“It is absurd for you to be angry so sister, it is important for this community to know your worth.”
I stood. “My worth is not measured by money.” And I left.

Later in the day closer to dinner I went back to the tree hoping that my letter would be gone. I did not expect his letter in its place. And with it a long beautiful violet ribbon.

Miss Locke,
I have admiration for your honesty, and I believe you yourself have answered your question. Persistence and persuasions can only influence our futures for the better. But I will as promised, answer for I would not suspend any pleasure of yours.
I laugh for many reasons; I enjoy teasing my friends, making plays on words and pulling ironic things into their awareness. For instance why is it that men have superiority over women socially, but we are completely incompetent and are incapable of accomplishing anything without them? I find this amusing. I don’t mind being dependant on the opposite sex, I officially admit defeat.
My happiness comes from knowledge. Study of any subject pulls me beyond my own sorrows, and lures me to new understanding. If I can comprehend why people act the way they do, I can be more accepting. Knowledge brings a different kind of strength beyond standing up to fight for something. It is a tool to embrace all ways of thinking. So you will find me in my free time always with a book under my nose.
The people I love are few; the people I respect are even fewer. I am sad to say I have yet to find a great love in the truest form of the word.
Your defects are not half as grieves as my own. I am afraid of disclosing them for they will have a disastrous affect. I am a mellow man, so mellow in fact that I let people exploit me until I am out of assets, this I’m afraid would be my worst attribute. I don’t have the drive to succeed as other men do. I am happy to sit in the parlor with the women enjoying conversation more than looking towards my interests at parliament. I am angry when people are ignorant and blatantly defiant pressing their unfounded ideas on the issue at hand. These people change the way the world is for political success, not for a greater cause.
I feel to be the best of myself would be to find strength to stand up to my oppressors, and the knowledge to fight them.
This violet ribbon is placed with this letter for you wrote you like things like that, is a form of bribery. Another question, Madame if I may, can I have the honor of dancing with you at tomorrow night’s ball?
I will await your response. I must tell you I have greatly enjoyed our messages. Did you study the pages of this book we have been passing our notes? You have picked one of my favorite passages to place your letter. Thank you; this note will be placed to show you yet another.
Sincerely yours,
Mr. William Ackerly

The page quoted: Much ado about nothing
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh not more,
Men are deceivers ever;
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go
And be you blithe and bonny!
Converting all you sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.
Sing not more ditties, sing no moe
Of dumps so dull and heavy’
The fraud of men was ever so,
Since summer first was leavy.
Then sigh not so,
But let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all you sounds of woe
Into Hey nonny, nonny.

After reading his letter, I got a chill through me, not because of the brisk wind but because I was filled with a sense of knowing him. Was this page from the book just a reference to his favorite lines, or was it a warning. I’m sure I’ll never know. I came directly to my room after the shortest time expected of me to be in company. I took up my pen and wrote him back.

Mr. Ackerly,
Thank you for your response. I too have enjoyed our diverting notes. I would be happy to save a dance for you at the ball tomorrow. Nothing would please me more. May I be so bold to say that after learning more of your character, I must tell you Mr. Ackerly that I believe you have satisfied my notion of a very agreeable friend. I never experienced a more engaging relationship, I hope we can remain thus for some time.
I should like to ask you one more question. What will you do when a fight is inevitable? Will you rise to the challenge and become the warrior from your given name that I see in your writing? Time will always test our virtues I fear.
Sincerely Yours,
Miss Audrene Locke

I placed my short note within the pages of Shakespeare, not at all a comparison, but I somehow hope it would mean more to Mr. Ackerly than the classic writings. The page simply said from Titus

Words more sweet, and yet more
Dangerous,
Than baits to fish.

I will leave my suggestive note in the morning. I fear I may have put my heart on trial by writing those words. He has done nothing to ask for my affection but simply being genuine. What is it about him that stirs me so?