Mr. Ackerly

Feb 14th 1815
My hand I’m sure will ache by the time I am finished writing the things that happened today. It is diverting that on Valentines Day of all days I meet a man worth secretly falling in love with, for St. Valentine confidentially performed weddings, but unfortunately he died for it. I will not allow myself to be taken in, for I know I will die of being in love with someone I’m sure I can’t have.
As I sat redoing my embroidery, another thing I can’t get right, before tea time Lord Grant came bouncing in the drawing room his round cheeks flushed with animation. He took my hand and said, “I love you my dear sister. I am a queer little fellow. I hope you will indulge my desire for a pleasing diversion. I wish to make an amusing game by seeing what friendships I can make. I would like to introduce you to my neighbor and friend Mr. Ackerly.” Before I could say a word in return his friend and neighbor glided into the room.
With all the lead up and excitement I half expected my heart to stop. It didn’t. It sped up so fast I knew all in the room could hear it. All my self assuredy, the best education money can buy, my immaculate white dress, my years of self discipline to be right, changed to self doubt as I gazed at him. Dark full locks of hair hung around his face in a glorious rugged, yet genteel manner. His noble angular face smiled at me, full perfect lips ever so lightly touched the back of my hand. “Mr. Ackerly” I managed to say as I pulled my quivering hand from his large firm ones. My knees nearly buckled when I bowed my head slightly in response to his gaze.
“I’ve heard much of you from Lord Grant, Miss Locke.” His voice was the sound of sonnets not yet said in my minds eye. I realized he was whispering. My mother across the room was involved in her book on her lap. She had obviously met him already today. Lord Grant was nowhere to be had. That little devil left me almost alone with a stranger! I wasn’t sure if I loved him all the more for it, or I was going to give him a tongue lashing later. After only a few hours I knew it is the previous.
It was my turn to say something. I couldn’t! His eyes, oh, his eyes! They are a piercing blue I’ve never seen before. Rich with truth and radiance, there is no disguise in them. It was as if I could see into him.
He looked at me again with question and then in my ridiculousness I asked, “Do you have this affect on everyone you meet?” He smiled in innocence, “I don’t know what you mean.” He looked down at his hands, and rubbed them together as if to gather up courage and turned his gaze to look at me. He was going to say something but the tea came in with Grant and Catharine. Lord Grant was beaming with confidence. He nudged his friend and smiled as we all sat to tea. I did my best to ignore everyone’s scrutiny by their glares. I was determined get control of myself. What right does this man have on my emotions, my very behavior! I fought to control the color of my face and the shaking of my hands. I hope they didn’t see through me. I’m so agitated at myself for acting so foolishly. After all, it’s not like I hadn’t been introduced to gentlemen before. What was it about Mr. Ackerly? I will find out.
In changing into my green silk gown for dinner I gained a little confidence, and reproached myself for being so transparent. I wasn’t going to make that mistake again. As the silver tined and small talk resumed, my legs quivered beneath the white linen table cloth, I crossed them in efforts to control myself. My mother smiled slyly at me. Did she know? Was she secretly hoping for a relationship to bloom as well? I found out that evening that he is the eldest son of Lord Ackerly of Carrington Manor and stood to inherit. His wealth will be nothing to my fathers, but the relations would be very advantageous to all.
Fortunately he was placed at the other end of the table from me, though I could still feel the heat from my bosom that he created. I don’t remember what we ate, but I was glad to be finished. As my mother, Catherine and I headed towards the drawing room, I heard Lord Grant burst into laughter. My mind told me I should resist; I should be the creator of my future and not my relations. And yet I am drawn.
“He seems to be a nice man Addie.” My mother pressed when we sat in front of the fireplace.
Finally under control I blurred “Who mother?”
“Why, Mr. Ackerly of course.” She could see through me, but pretended not to know.
“Yes.”
Mother’s intrigue was brought to an abrupt close when they entered. Obviously they were eager for female interaction. I sighed relief when Mr. Ackerly sat in the chair farthest from me, but then Grant asked me to play. I almost refused, but decided it was good for me to practice in all things lacking. I played a simple tune and hummed the words. Again I was requested, again I played. Before I finished the last bar Mr. Ackerly stood up and came over to the piano, stroked it with the tips of his fingers and said, “You play very well.”
“I should practice more” I stammered
“No one who has the privilege of hearing you would think you wanting. May I request another?”
He chose a romantic tune by Sherman Loe. I know it well. It is one of my favorites. He stood there for the duration of the song, shaking my nerves. Upon finishing Catherine sat beside me on the stool taking my place and Mr. Ackerly took my hand and led me to the couch. The touch of the skin on his hand sent my senses into acute activity. I responded by batting my eyes and sitting, giving into his guide.
“I think we’ve been set up, Miss Locke. Should we give into the pressure?”
How did he know my thoughts before I spoke them? He continued, “Should we indulge them awhile? Lord Grant is a dear friend; I wouldn’t want to upset him.”
“Neither would I.” I said too late to think of the consequences. I quickly added, “But I don’t know you, you must help me be at ease of swindling your friend.”
“I will tell you anything you wish to hear.” He said this while piercing me with his eyes, and added. “To fraud my friend. Will you do the same for me?”
I avoided his question to ask my own, and in doing so gave him the idea I was willing. “What is your family like?”
He lifted his eyes to mine and focused while answering, “My mother Lady Rebecca Ackerly is a quiet closed person. My younger brother Daniel is finishing his education this year and plans to go into the church. My father Lord Fredrick Ackerly is a quiet man who keeps to his own devices. He is recently ill from his last trip to town, but I expect a full recovery.”
Catherine finished playing and glided to a chair close by. Her grey eyes seemed deep in thought as she stared at her husband playing cards with mother. Poor Catharine, I thought, I wish she could see the good things and be happy.
While looking at my sister, he said “Unfortunately she seems alone in her idea of what is right in this house, I wish she would just let go…. I’m so sorry; sometimes my thoughts escape my mouth before I can catch them.” Mr. Ackerly read my thoughts somehow. I just gaped at him astonished. I quickly returned a question to him to avoid anymore ridicule directed at my sister, even if we did agree.
“You told me your family’s given names. May I ask yours?”
“I am not fond of it, if you can think of a better one, please let me know. William. Mr. William Ackerly.” He said it and lowered his head as if ashamed. Shocked at his response I immediately felt inclined to put him at his ease.
“William.” I repeated. “It rolls off the tongue so well. I like it. Doesn’t that mean strong willed warrior? I have a passion for names; they so often describe a person before you know them.”
We met eyes again. “Do they? Do you know me now then?” He questioned with a grin.
I smiled back, uncharacteristically comfortable. “Are you a strong willed warrior?”
“I may be strong willed, but I’m no fighter.”
“A warrior doesn’t just fight in wars, but in life Mr. Ackerly. Do you fight for the things you want?”
“I would like to tell you yes, but I often find myself giving in.”
“Much like in our situation?” I shouldn’t have said it. He looked at me distressingly and then Lord Grant stood and said “You beat me again Lady Locke, I shall not play more!”
We all laughed and soon headed to our own separate quarters. In my room I replay our conversation in my mind over and over. What should I have said?
Mother just came in and cradled my head in her lap as she stroked my hair. “This will be an adventurous visit my love. I hope you will let yourself be and take in all you deserve.”
In my thoughts I tell my self he will only keep amusing me for our relations sake, for what is it that I have to offer? My dowry seems insufficient for such a man.
I finish writing the day anticipating what will Mr. Ackerly say and do to please his friend on the morrow.