Dull Days

February 19th 1815
Why do my days seem so dull without Mr. Ackerly? I barely know him, I long to have a response to my letter that still sits on my desk. Yesterday there was nothing to report. I was going to ask Lord Grant about what he and my sister were talking about but he was out for the day. My sister I know would prove unhelpful.
Mother and I went to the dress shop today to see if we could have new dresses made up in time for the ball. I sometimes think that I am just a younger version of her, for she seems just as excited as I am. Fortunately we were able to place an order, and they will be ready on the morning of the 23rd. I chose and elegant lilac silk with white delicate lace at the open low necked old fashioned collar, around the waist and on the layers of the skirt. It will be sumptuous yet simple. Mother chose indigo silk a more simple modern dress. She always looks angelic in whatever she wears.
I had the opportunity to speak to Lord Grant today, (I prefer his given name, Jeffery, it has such a softer tone that is more agreeable) We happened to be alone after tea. He did not give me any enlightenment on the topic he was talking with my sister about the other day.
“I wanted to talk to you the other day but my sister and you were talking in the drawing room and I didn’t want to disturb. It seemed pretty important. Is there anything I should know? Can I help you with anything?”
“Dear girl that was just your sister getting worked up again. It seems these days everything is a battle. She wants to be correct in everything, but the thing is, if you focus on every detail, that is what your life becomes, mindless details. I am at ease with our and my friend’s circumstances so there is nothing to worry about.”
“Your friend meaning Mr. Ackerly?”
“My friends meaning all my acquaintances.”
He is covering something I can feel it. I don’t blame him for being disobliging it was none of my concern. I am not satisfied, but who else can I turn to?